Going to your first fertility appointment can be a scary and nerve wracking experience, especially as a potential single mother by choice (SMC).
Will they judge me? What questions do I even need to ask?
It’s all so overwhelming, and we (your fellow SMC), we get it.
This article will help you to know what to expect at your first fertility appointment, as well as prepare you with a list of questions to ask so you don’t lose your mind, get flustered and forget everything during this important moment in your fertility journey.
You can do it!
Making Your Appointment
Before you make your first appointment, you may want to think about whether you want to go through your OBGYN or go straight to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE).
There are various pros and cons to each approach.
Going through your OBGYN
Some SMC choose to get a referral to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) directly from their OBGYN.
If you are due for your annual exam, and/or you are close with and trust your OBs expertise in fertility, this is an excellent option and can even give you a leg up (or should I say two legs) before you go to your first fertility consultation.
You can utilize the time from your OBGYN to ask some simple fertility questions, ask for your baseline labs to be done (this way insurance is more likely to cover the cost, saving you money), and ask if they have any referrals for Reproductive Endocrinologists that they know and trust.
Going Straight to a Reproductive Endocrinologist
If you are not due for your annual exam, you are not close with your OBGYN, and/or you don’t trust your doctor’s expertise and knowledge about fertility (unfortunately, just because they are an OBGYN, this doesn’t necessarily mean they are well-versed in fertility), then going straight to an RE might be a better option for you.
Try asking around in Facebook groups, Redditt groups, other fertility discussion boards, maybe even friends and family that have experience in artificial reproductive technology (ART) if they have any recommendations for fertility clinics.
A useful tool to research local and non-local clinics is the Fertility IQ website, here you can search by area, doctor or clinic, and get general information about the clinic, reviews, and statistics that can help to narrow your search.
What to Expect
Once you narrow down your choices, it’s time to start making phone calls!
Some factors to consider when making your phone calls and before making your first fertility consultation(s):
- Some clinics charge for the initial consultation and others have no charge at all.
- Some clinics are booked out months in advance. Although, it is usually possible to get in sooner with some tenacity.
- Some clinics will have more than one RE in the practice, or have you talk to a nurse practitioner for the initial consultation, if you want a specific doctor, ask.
- You may or may not be asked to do some fertility evaluations such as a trans-vaginal ultrasound, blood tests and/or further testing such as a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) or saline infusion sonohysterogram (SHG) at the initial consult, or subsequent appointments, depending on where you are at in your cycle or what any initial testing reveals at the initial appointment.
What Should I Bring With Me?
Some things to have on hand when you go to your first fertility consultation can include:
- Medical history
- Fertility baseline labs
- List of medications and supplements you are currently taking
- Health insurance information
- Paper/notebook to write questions and answers
- ID and credit card
- Support person
What Should I Ask?
Here is the nitty gritty of your initial consultation! What the heck do you ask the doctor?!
Of course, any questions you have will be tailored to your individual experience and situation but these are just some examples of common questions for SMC:
- Have you worked with SMC before?
- Are there any sperm banks you recommend?
- What type of vial do I need for my prospective procedure?
- Do you accept working with a known donor?
- What are my chances of conceiving and having a healthy baby with ICI vs IUI vs IVF?
- What baseline testing do you recommend?
- What are your feelings around alternative medicine (acupuncture, abdominal massage, nutrition, etc) and fertility?
- What supplements do you recommend, if any?
- Do you recommend any outside resources or other practitioners that may help in my situation?
- How often will I be working with you and how often with other members of your practice?
- Do you see patients or do procedures on weekends and holidays?
- Who will be my point of contact and what is the best form of communication (phone, email, client portal)?
- If I have a prospective budget of ($$$), which tests and/or procedures should we prioritize and start with?
- What is your opinion on weight and fertility?
- Do you incorporate Health at Every Size (HAES) in your practice?
What Questions Do Fertility Doctors Ask?
In order to answer some of these questions, the doctor will likely need information from you as well.
Be prepared to fill out an extensive questionnaire, as well as elaborate on questions regarding your family medical and reproductive history, and your own medical and reproductive history (cycle history, previous pregnancies, miscarriages, terminations, and sexual health).
It is highly recommended to discontinue using any birth control and start tracking your cycle for at least 3 month prior to your appointment to get to know your body (and any possible roadblocks) in advance.
What to Leave With
By asking and answering these questions you will hopefully have a clearer picture of what your fertility journey might look like.
Of course, don’t forget to meet the nurses that will come along on your journey and visit with the financial coordinator.
Pay attention to your gut feelings as you visit each clinic you make an appointment with, it will point you in the right direction with an important decision such as this.
Next Steps
Your first appointment with a fertility specialist can be scary and overwhelming but hopefully knowing what to expect, combined with a little preparation can ease your mind just a bit.
Your first fertility consultation can be made by either asking your OBGYN for a referral or just going straight to the RE.
There are a few important factors to consider before making the appointment, as well as some pertinent information and documents that you want to gather and have on hand with you at the appointment itself.
There are a lot of questions to ask your potential Reproductive Endocrinologist but I’ve made it just a little easier by taking care of one of the steps for you.
Click here to download the free handout and take it with you so you don’t have to write down all the questions above. I’ve included space to write the answers and take additional notes as well.
Now go make those phone calls and take that big, scary, initial step in your SMC fertility journey, you’ve got this!
